The Stuff You Aren't Allowed To Do

I am an honest person and I appreciate candour, it's how I learn something about myself as well as the person who shares their thoughts with me. What has really gotten me going in the past few years of living here in Canada is that you can't really tell people anything non-positive. Any comment viewed as negative or constructive is carefully wrapped up in a fancy gift paper and presented to the receiver while tip-toeing around the subject. You can't make comments about how shitty you are feeling, you can't tell someone your honest opinion on things. People just get mad and offended. Even though it's just my opinion, it's not a fact, it's just something I see or feel at the moment and it may change. My opinion doesn't reflect upon who they are or what their values are. Their reaction to my comment does. 

Here are a few examples. 

I had a friend who wanted my honest opinion on her fiancee. Thin ice, right? Well, foolish of me, I told her the truth as she had asked for it, repeatedly. This friend knew I had a tendency to tell the truth, yet I was asked to say what I thought about the man in question. So I told her and let me just say, it wasn't met with appreciation. As she stopped blinking, I could see her explode inside. Seconds later, she exploded on the outside and then demanded my apology. This wasn't an isolated incident when I was asked by someone for my honest opinion and then was chastised for it, whether it was in a work setting or on a personal level.

My next favourite one  -  you are not supposed to tell a woman she looks tired. I had no idea. I learnt the hard way as I approached a colleague and told her she looked tired. She thanked me sarcastically and walked away, leaving me completely puzzled. She did look tired and I was going to offer to help her out with her workload, had she not walked away. 

I have had honest discussions with my friends or colleagues back home. They would tell me their opinion, sometimes it'd be eye-opening and sometimes ego-bruising but never was I offended. If no one will ever call you out on your behaviour, where does it lead to? Why can't it work like this in Canada, too? Why do we have to be so damn polite to a point people don't even say how they feel anymore and are scared to express their mere opinion. 

The last regret and one of the biggest cultural shocks I have experienced in Canada is lack of opposite-sex friendships. I used to have a handful of male friends in my home country. We would hang out for coffee or lunch, just the two of us, without our partners present and we would have a good chat. Then we would go home to our partners, no innuendos, no expectations. I liked having male friends - I appreciated their input, their male perspective on things. I have been trying to make male friends in Canada but it's impossible with Canadian men. They automatically think I'm hitting on them. The only male friends I had in Canada were originally Europeans who had moved to Canada. Why is there such a strong gender divide in Canada when it comes to friendships?

Anyways, I miss Europe.