Staying Grounded

A Talk With Michelle From The Toronto Mindfulness Community

As promised, here is the full interview with Michelle with whom I was chatting about her mediation practice.

Tune in for the full episode of the Authenticity Project Podcast here.

Question 1:  What has been your most bizarre experience during this pandemic?

I would have to say that my most bizarre experience occurred during one of my trips to the grocery store.  After waiting 40 minutes in line, I was finally let in.  Within a few minutes of being in the store I could feel the difference in my body compared to my last trip.  I was on hyper-alert and slightly panicky.  I found it quite difficult to focus and felt overwhelmed at the thought of even making small decisions.  Thank goodness I made a list!  I had potatoes on my list and when I got to that section, I stood there forever trying to determine how many I should get.  I wasn’t able to think clearly about what I had intended to use the potatoes for and I remember grabbing as many as I could carry, feeling this sudden need to horde ‘just in case’.  And things only got worse when I realized I dropped my phone somewhere.  

Thankfully, someone had picked it up and returned it to the Customer Service desk.  When I went to collect it, the attendant said that it was actually quite common these days for people to be losing their phones. When I was in the car on the way home I noticed I was trembling slightly, my heart was beating fast and I felt generally overstimulated and unsettled.  Considering that all I did was go and buy groceries, it was certainly a bizarre experience for me.

Question 2: There are many misconceptions about meditation and what it represents.  Can you tell me a little bit about the meditation practice you’ve been doing and what it is / isn’t to you?

This is a fantastic question!  In fact, what stops most people from continuing with their meditation practice is that they enter the practice with a misunderstanding of what mediation is.  When people begin meditation with a fixed idea of what meditation is and their experience does not match their idea, they often get frustrated or think they are ‘doing it wrong’ and give up.

I began my mindfulness-meditation practice five years ago by taking a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course, developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn. The course instructor happened to be an authorized Buddhist teacher who was also the founder of the Toronto Mindfulness Community.   At the end of the course, I started joining weekly classes with the Toronto Mindfulness Community (TMC) as a way to continue practicing the techniques I had learned during the course.

After about two years of practicing with the TMC, I decided to pursue my practice through a more Buddhist lens.  Today, I still attend weekly online classes with the Toronto Mindfulness Community but also attend an online class which is currently studying the teachings of the Buddha through a book by the Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh.  I also sit with a Zen group on a weekly basis. Now, before I answer any questions about meditation, I think it is important here to note that I am in the infancy of my own practice and am certainly not a qualified teacher.  Whatever I say during this interview is a reflection of where I am in my own journey and understanding of this work.  I’ll be speaking today about my own experience with Buddhist meditation.

Questions about what meditation IS or IS NOT is actually something we discuss frequently in my classes. Meditation is fundamentally a technique to help build concentration. It is similar to lifting weights at the gym. As described by my teacher, meditation helps us to build the capacity to “observe without reacting.” Practicing meditation helps us build the ‘muscle’ that will allow us to bring our focus to where WE want it to be. There are many misconceptions about meditation out there but I’ll speak to four of the most common misconceptions I have encountered.  

By far, the most frequent statement I hear when I tell people I practice meditation is, “Oh, I tried that once but I just couldn’t get my mind to stop.”  Thinking that your mind needs to slow down or stop while meditating is a common misconception.  Meditation is about observing your body and mind AS IT IS.  That means, if your mind is racing, then you just observe your mind racing.  As my teacher often says, there is no mistake in your experience:  If your mind is racing then there is a reason for that, even if you can’t pinpoint what it is.  There are any number of reasons your mind may be racing.  The reason is not important.  Your job is just to observe your body and mind AS IT IS. To harbour the belief that your mind should be getting calmer or stop altogether while meditating will just leave you frustrated or feeling like a failure.

Another common misconception about meditation is that it is a technique used to (quote, unquote)  ‘find your bliss’.  That is, it is seen as a way to achieve a pleasurable state, such as feeling peaceful, relaxed, or calm.  Although these feelings can sometimes be the by-product of meditation, their absence is not an indication of failure or wrong-doing on the part of the meditator.  In our daily lives, many of us tend to suppress or distract ourselves from unpleasant experiences.  A true meditation practitioner chooses to come face-to-face with those experiences they would rather avoid.  As you can imagine, this can be very uncomfortable.  The job of a meditator is to continually return their focus to their technique, which for beginners is often watching or counting the breath. Whether that results in feelings of relaxation or agitation is IRRELEVANT.  Your job while meditating is simply to notice what arises and then return to the breath.

Another misconception about meditation is that it is a ‘thing’ you can ‘get’, similar to taking a course, getting a certificate at the end, and thinking you’re ‘good to go’. Although it is necessary to learn proper technique and sitting posture, meditation is experiential.  My teacher is fond of saying that ‘no amount of reading recipes will satisfy your hunger’.  This is another way of saying that, no matter how many classes you attend or how many books you read on the subject, you will not find relief from your own suffering unless you experience meditation for yourself. I don't attend weekly classes because I am getting new information every week.  Rather, we are being invited to investigate this work from different angles.  Your understanding of what you hear during a meditation talk will change and deepen the longer you practice. There is no end to this work.

The last misconception I will address is that the practice of meditation will eventually exempt you from experiencing the human condition; that is, the physical pain and discomfort that comes with having a body or the unpleasant emotions that are the result of having a mind.  Meditation will not change your life situation.  It will not ensure that you never feel anxious or that you will not contract COVID-19.  It is not a way to escape the inevitable unpleasant experiences of life.  

However, mindfulness-meditation WILL allow you to change your relationship to the challenges you face.  When you have developed the capacity to observe without reacting, you will see that there is now room to CHOOSE how to respond to what is going on in your body and mind.  Instead of reacting in our old, habitual, and often unhealthy ways, we can choose to respond more skilfully and in a way that is beneficial for us. 

Question 3:  What made you pursue this path?

In my early teens, I began suffering from severe depression.  And as an adult, I started to experience increasing anxiety.  I had been in and out of various forms of therapy and on antidepressants for much of my life and nothing seemed to really be helping.  At the age of 35, I knew I didn’t want to continue living this half life of knowing I wasn’t going to end my life but not being particularly happy that I had to continue living it.  I think my decision to take the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course was the result of me not wanting to give up on finding more than just ‘getting by’.

Question 4:  You’ve been practicing meditation for several years and from what I can tell it is really challenging.  What’s motivating you to keep going?

This work is, indeed, challenging but so is anything one wishes to develop skill in.  A pianist must go through countless hours of practicing scales in order to become an accomplished musician.  The changes I have seen in my life since I started practice may be subtle but they are profound. Seeing those changes is what motivates me.  

While I may trip up on the same rocks and fall into the same holes, the time it takes me to recover has decreased tremendously.  While I occasionally experience depression, I am no longer a victim to it nor does it feel as heavy.  I just experience it as a dark cloud passing through.  I am also so much more compassionate towards myself and others than I used to be.  My ability to connect with others and have meaningful relationships has grown exponentially.  Kindness often comes without thought.  I am also so much more aware of the areas that still need polishing and I have grown in my capacity to forgive myself for the times I still behave unskillfully as well as forgive others who are still working on themselves.  Despite all my years of therapy, nothing has transformed my life the way this practice has and I will forever be grateful for encountering it.

Question 5:  What would be your advice to someone who wants to also try out meditation but doesn’t know how to start and what to look for?  There is a lot of fluff and pretense around various mediation practices and sometimes they may cause more harm than good.

This is another excellent question. The field of mindfulness-meditation is over-saturated right now. When I used to walk to class (pre-COVID-19), it was not uncommon to see three or more posters advertising talks or classes being given on mediation and mindfulness.  So how does someone decide which class to attend?  How do you know the teacher is qualified?

I wish I had an easy answer.  I can only advise on what things have supported me over the years. First, I would advise taking a course to learn the technique and get some information about what mindfulness-mediation is.  Taking a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course is a good starting point. This course teaches the fundamentals of mindfulness-meditation and what you can expect to encounter as you begin your practice. 

Next, I would recommend finding a teacher and community to practice with.   A teacher is essential if you are going to seriously take up the practice of meditation.  As with learning any new skill, someone who is more experienced in the technique is needed to provide proper guidance.  A community is also key to sustaining your practice.  It is said that even the Buddha himself said that if you can practice with others, you should do so 100% of the time. 

In terms of meditation practices that cause more harm than good, be wary of teachings that propound any of the misconceptions I mentioned earlier.  While many people sincerely wish to help others, very few are actually qualified to do so.  

In terms of finding a qualified teacher and community to practice with, I would recommend looking out for the following:

• Is there diversity in the community (age, ethnicity, gender, physical abilities)?  Short of being biologically broken, mindfulness-meditation can benefit everyone.  As such, diversity in the community can indicate that the teacher is, indeed, teaching in such a way that is inclusive and of benefit to all members of society.
• If you feel comfortable, approach the long-term members of the community and ask them what their experience has been.  Have they seen benefit through their practice?  
• Find out how many years your teacher has been practicing.  If they are a Buddhist teacher, have they been authorized to teach by their own teacher?  My teacher has been practicing for over 40 years and, although he is still a student himself, was requested to teach by both of his teachers.